Ways to Annoy Eragon!
by Jade Snape-Holloway
Summary: Ever wish you could annoy the worlds hottest Dragon Rder? Well, then click here and review!
1. Chapter 1

WAYS TO ANNOY ERAGON!!!!

A/N: I have to say, I love Eragon. Especially now that I've seen how hot he is in the movie! ;) I only annoy out of love for a certain fandom, so just keep that in mind. And if your gonna read this, go on and review it, will you? And all people who say really mean things to me will be voodoo-ed.

1: Always point out the similarities between the Eragon books and 'Lord of The Rings.'  
2: Even stupid ones like, "OMG! Your name has an E in it and so does Legolos's!"  
3: Start out every day by going over all the stupid things he's done and conclude with "so, the stupider you are, the more people die. So try not to be an idiot, kay?"  
4: Loudly sing 'Save a Dragon, Ride a Rider' all the time.  
5: Ask him 'How the heck did you get blond?!"  
6: Lock him and Murtagh in the same room.  
7: Take bets on who will kill the other first.  
8: Say "OMG! Eragon, Angela has told me the most important prophecy of all!" When he asks what it was, say "Oh, I forgot."  
9: Shout out random made up words and insist you've said something in that magic language. When Eragon demands to know what that spell was supposed to be, grin and say "it's working."  
10: Buy a fluffy cat. Paint it blue. Get rid of Shaphira. When Eragon asks where she is, present the cat. Insist you don't see anything wrong with her.  
11: Tell him that Shaphira left him to go be with Thorn.  
12: Tell him that Shaphira is cheating on him.  
13: Ask him stuff like "so, doing magic drains your energy? What happens if you cast an energy spell?"  
14: Say "it sucks that Arya turned you down. Maybe if you weren't such a loser she would love you, too." (I know he's not a loser, but who cares?)  
15: Send him a picture of Arya and her new boyfriend. Force him to look at it constantly.  
16: Should he try to kill you, unleash the fan girls after him.  
17: Or say "now, now, little Eragon, don't drain all your energy!" And then pat him on the head.  
18: Tell him you ate Shaphira.  
19: Try to teach him spells from Harry Potter.  
20: Write Eragon/Murtagh fics. You know you want to...

END NOTES: Thanks for reading! If I get any reviews, I'll update (hint, hint). I'm thinkin' of annoying Murtagh next. )


	2. Chapter 2: Ways to Annoy Murtagh!

WAYS TO ANNOY MURTAGH!!!!

A/N: I just want to say thank you to all you nice reviewers! I don't have to voo doo any one! ) I thought the movie was pretty cool. Sure, they changed a lot, and the what they sad was a little corny, but the special effects were super cool, and the guys were hot. That's all I need! Anyways, please review this chapter!!!

1: Misspell and pronounce his name no matter how many times you've been corrected.  
2: Ask him if you can just call him 'Galbatorix's hot little slave guy' cuz you can't say his name.  
3: Go on and on about how red dragons are so much more girly then blue dragons.  
4: Get Galbatorix to make him do stupid things.  
5: Call him Murry.  
6: Buy a cat. Paint it red. Hide Thorn..  
7: Insist on walking in front of him at all times and screaming "Get out of the way! A super hot moron is coming through!"  
8: 'Accidentally' call him Morontagh.  
9: Insist on seeing his scar over and over, just to see him with his shirt off (the movie was worth it just for that scene!).  
10: Go on and on about how him and Eragon DO NOT look like brothers and how your sure he's lying.  
11: Tell him he has failed and now Eragon is king of the world.  
12: Say 'dammit Murry, the king is not controlling you, you just don't want to act like a man!'  
13: Tell everyone that Thorn is just a dark shade of pink.  
14: Die his hair blond and say 'now you and Eragon look like brother!'  
15: When he tries to kill you over this stuff, sarcastically exclaim 'oh, no! Murry is going to kill me with his little pink sword! What ever shall I do?!'  
16: Every time something happens, grab his shoulders and say 'it's OK, I am in control of the situation!' Then start making things worse then they were.  
17: Take away his dragon and say that he can have it back when he cleans his room.  
18: Keep messing up his room so you can keep the dragon.  
19: MST all the parts of the books with him in it (yay, MST!)  
20: Tell him that the only reason Galbatorix likes him is cuz he's so pretty.

END NOTES: Forgive me, Murtagh! I'm sorry, but I must annoy, I can't help it! Anyway, please review! D


	3. Chapter 3: Ways to annoy Galbatorix!

WAYS TO ANNOY GALBOATRIX!

A/N: Thank you, everyone who reviewed, and yes, I have put a voodoo curse on the bad reviewer! That was just unnecessary! l Please give me some good reviews here! D

1: In public, run up to him and scream " I KNOW ABOUT YOU AND DURZA! YOU SICKEN ME!"  
2: Compare him to the bad guy in Lord of The Rings.  
3: Say 'since when were you bald?' (referring to his baldness in the movie).  
4: Tell everyone that the Urgals are his only friends.  
5: Force him to listen to that song Avril wrote for the movie. Over and Over. (I love that song!)  
6: Constantly tell him he needs to stop holding in his anger.  
7: Suggest he try yoga.  
8: Misspell his name.  
9: Mispronounce his name (it's so easy to do).  
10: Ask him why 'he doesn't have such a cool dragon?'  
11: Proudly exclaim that you thought him everything he knows.  
12: Tell people that him and Durza are 'special friends.'  
13: Tell him you've recovered a dragon egg. Present him with an Easter egg.  
14: Insist it's really a dragon egg and it just won't hatch for him.  
15: Reward all his good behavior with gold stars.  
16: When he gets ten good stars, give him some milk and cookies.  
17: Tell him 'if you don't stop trying to kill Eragon, Santa won't bring you any presents.'  
18: Start charging people to rub his head. Charge something low, like a dollar.  
19: Write him a theme song and insist on singing it at all times.  
20: Sign him up for anger management classes.  
21: Put him and Eragon on Dr.Phil.

END NOTES: Wow, this didn't take me that long to write! These usually take forever! The next one will be better, I'll be annoying Arya. Review, review, review:D


	4. Chapter 4: Ways To Annoy Arya!

WAYS TO ANNOY ARYA!

A/N: I'm so glad for all the reviews! You have no idea how happy it makes me! D Please review this chapter, hope ya like it!

1: 'Accidentally' call her Arawen (or however you spell the elf's name from Lord of The Rings).  
2: Say 'ya know, when I found out you were an elf, I expected you to be prettier.'  
3: Call her up on the phone at 3:00 in the morning. Ask her how she got a phone.  
6: Set her up on a blind date.  
7: ...With Durza.  
8: Tell her Galbatorix has a crush on her.  
9: Say 'now how the heck did YOU get blond?! (or was her hair red? Oh well, it wasn't black, that's for sure).  
10: Tell her you know what she and Durza were REALLY doing when she was his captive.  
11: Tell everyone she's really Arawen in disguise.  
12: Tell everyone that she's really married to Aragorn. Hmmm, Aragorn and Eragon...Coincidence?  
13: Insist she's one of Santa's elves and she has to get back to the North Pole cause it's so close to Christmas.  
14: Scream 'HEY! WHERE'S YOUR CURRLY SHOES?!'  
15: Say 'Hmmm, Arya and Arawen...IT'S A CONSPIRACY! A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY DESIGNED BY THE EMPIRER TO CONFUSE US!'  
16: Tell her your her new body guard.  
17: Insist on going every where with her and attack everything in sight.  
18: Drive a monster truck through the elf land place from the book.  
19: Offer to let her drive.  
20: When she tries to kill you, scream 'I'M GONNA TELL SANTA!' and sob uncontrollably until she apologizes.

END NOTES: I know this one isn't as funny as the others, but oh well! please review! And to LadyLapisLazuli, no, you didn't upset me or anything! I don't mind being corrected on my bad grammer! I just like reviews: )


	5. Chapter 5: Ways to annoy Orik!

WAYS TO ANNOY ORIK!

A/N: Thank you, everyone, for the great reviews! Now that I look at it, I see that I WAS spelling Saphira wrong. I should have noticed sooner, but oh well! I know a lot of people want me to annoy Durza, but I have no way to annoy him! I'm sorry, I tried.

1: Sing 'short people,' non-stop.  
2: 'Accidentally' call him Gimli.  
3: Say 'uh oh, Orik! It looks like Legolos is coming!'  
4: Try to make Dwarf Tossing the national sport of Alagaesia.  
5: Make up stupid riddles that have no answer and see how long it takes him to figure them out.  
6: Or just tell him real riddles, but when ever he gets the right answer, tell him it's wrong.  
7: Build a roller coaster. Make sure the You-Must-Be-This-Tall-To-Ride sign is too tall for him.  
8: Or, if you don't want to waste money building a roller coaster, just bring him to places that have height limits too tall for him.  
9: Call him your little buddy.  
10: Call him a gnome.  
11: Every time he does something, say stuff like 'way to go,champ!,' and 'atta boy!'  
12: Call him Grumpy, from Snow White.   
13: Ask him why he's not whistling why he works.  
14: When he tries to kill you, pat him on the head and say 'that's so cute!'  
15: Or say 'looks like it's someone's nap time!'  
16: When you go to the movies, tell the ticket person he's just a hairy 3 year old so you'll get a discount.  
17: Dye his hair and beard pink.  
18: When he gets mad, tell him you think pink totally suits him.  
19: Tie his beard in a bow.  
20: Buy him clothes that are always to big for him.

21: Talk non-stop about how he wasn't in the movie (was he? I don't remember it if he was).

END NOTES: Hmmm...Hope you guys like it. Sorry for not updating soon, but ya know, it's Christmas and I'm busy. Please review!  
UPDATE: Best Christmas ever! D


	6. Chapter 6: Ways to annoy Durza!

WAYS TO ANNOY DURZA!

A/N: Well, you guys asked for it! I warned you! Wait, did I? Well, the point is, this isn't very funny. Anyway, thank you all for your reviews! One-Hot-Pirate-Chick, thanks for the suggestions for this fic! You have some good ideas:) Oh, and in this fic, Galby is Galbatorix.

1: Tell everyone that his hair is pink.  
2: Offer him some eye drops for his maroon eyes.  
3: Offer him chap stick (what is up with him in that part of the movie?! ya know when he sorta turned into a raisin?)  
4: Go over all the reasons why he's so obviously gay. "1, all your clothes are sparkly. 2, your eternal love for Galbatorix..."  
5: When ever he's in raison/ zombie mode, scream "OH MY GOD! A MUMMY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
6: Try to get him to let you french braid his hair. This works even better if you have no idea how to.  
7: Loudly tell him to stop wearing your grandma's clothes (referring to his weird sparkly outfit in the movie).  
8: Ask him if he's jealous of Eragon because now Eragon gets all of 'Galby's' attention.  
9: Tell him that the dark magic thingy he was riding in the movie helps contribute to global warming. Tell him he should get a dragon cause they're much more environmentally friendly.  
10: When he's in zombie/raisin mode, say 'oops, someone must have left him out in the sun too long.'  
11: Ask him about the love triangle between him, Galby, and Arya.  
12: Dye his hair pink and see if he notices.  
13: Stare at him and then say 'so, your NOT a women?'  
14: Buy him a Scorchio, the Neo Pet. Tell him it's his 'very own dragon, so now he can be like the important people.'  
15: With a permanent maker, write 'Durza and Galby 4-ever!' with a heart around it on his arm.  
16: Run up to him and, very seriously, ask 'do you know the muffin man?!'  
17: Try to get him to say 'drat, foiled again!'  
18: Try to get him to say 'eeexxxelent.'  
19: When he tries to kill you, stare at him like this: 0.0  
20: When he demands to know what your starring at, say 'shhh, mummies can't talk.'

END NOTES: OK, sorry. And also, sorry I can't annoy Brom. I tried, but I only have one thing and it's not funny. (  
I might annoy Saphira next. Please review! One more thing: To the person who said Arya's hair was black in the movie, I just saw a pic of her and it's flameing red for some reason, so...it is red.


	7. Chapter 7: Ways to Annoy Saphira!

WAYS TO ANNOY SAPHIRA!!!

A/N: OK, again, not very funny. I'm sorry! By the way, what's that dragon's name? you know the one who Saphira always annoys. Anyway, please review! D

1: Tell everyone dragons are relatives of chickens.  
2: Refer to her as 'that fire breathing lizard.'  
3: Refer to Eragon as her 'master.'  
4: Tell her that the dragon she likes has got a restraining order on her.  
5: Tell her that Eragon is cheating on her.  
6: Read her Eragon/Saphira fics (what's wrong with you people!? She's not even human!!!! You sicken me!).  
7: Misspell her name...maybe like 'Shaphira,' for example...  
8: Scream 'HEY! SHE CAN TURN ROCKS INTO DIAMONDS!' And see how many people knock down the doors to get some.  
9: Set her up on a blind date.  
10: ...With Thorn.  
11: Tell her Eragon left her to go stalk Arya.  
12: When she trys to kill you, stare at her like this: .o..  
13: When she demands to know what your starring at, say 'I think your scales are rusting.'   
14: If she tries to kill you by breathing fire at you, spray fire extinguisher goo in her mouth.  
15: Write her a theme song and insist on walking in front of her and singing it at all times.  
16: Paint her claws hot pink.  
17: Tell her it's to make her look pretty.  
18: Read 'Dragonology' (that book about dragons) and try to do everything the book says to Saphira.  
19: Try to get her to play twister with you.  
20: Tell people that she's really just a dog with a growth problem.

END NOTES: OK, next I'll annoy Angela. Thank you guys for all your reviews! Please review this chapter:D


	8. Chapter 8: Ways to annoy Angela!

WAYS TO ANNOY ANGELA!

A/N: Alrighty, now people, this was going to be the last chapter, but guess what? I just remembered Ronan! Woo hoo! Anyway, thank you gus so much for the reviews! I can't believe I've gotten over 100:D Please review this chapter! And yes, On-Hot-Pirate-Chick, I was talking about Glaedr, thank you!

1: Fill her room with toads.  
2: Set her up on a blind date.  
3: ...With Solombum or how ever you spell that darn cat's name. People should really stop letting us set them up on blind dates.  
4: Spray way too much hair spray on her hair, claming your just trying to control the poof.  
5: Eat her mushroom supply.  
6: Ask her if she's a good witch or a bad witch.  
7: Glue fake warts on her nose while she sleeps.  
8: Run around chanting 'BURN THE WICTH! BURN THE WICTH!'  
9: Tell everyone she's really Glinda enjoying her retirement.  
10: Compare her to the Angela in the movie. Tell her she looks nothing like Jose Stone.  
11: Say 'if your so important, why were you only in the movie once?'  
12: Tell her 'I don't think you wear enough gold,' referring to the insane amount of gold stuff she wore in the movie.  
13: Tell her Solembum left her for the annoying bird (errrrr! I can't remember anyone's name!)  
14: Introduce her to Pro. Terlawny from Harry Potter.  
15: Ask her why she doesn't make cool prophecies.  
16: Say 'it must suck for you that you got stuck with a stupid cat instead of a dragon.'  
17: Have her committed.  
18: Every time something happens, demand to know if she saw that coming.  
19: Tell her the chickens are planing their revenge.  
20: Dump water on her. When nothing happens, look disappointed and say 'oh, I thought you'd melt.'

END NOTES: I love annoying people! Please review! Next time, Ronan! )


	9. Chapter 9: Ways to Annoy Roran!

WAYS TO ANNOY RORAN!

A/N: OK, last chapter. I'm sorry, but there's no one else. I'm in such a good mood today, I don't even care about what GreekFire said! Plus I don't care that I got a chain letter that said if I didn't repost it, I will die in 3 days! I really hope that's not true...Anyway, please review!

1: Tell him that Katrina left him for Eragon.  
2: Say 'Eragon obviously got the looks in the family.'  
3: Ask him if he's jealous that Eragon got a dragon and he had nothing.  
4: Teach the Ra zac to swim.  
5: Lock him a room with Sloan.  
6: Tell him the twins are still alive and they're coming after him.  
7: Steal his hammer.  
8: When he tells you about Katrina being kidnapped, quote Jack Sparrow and suggest 'keeping a closer watch on her, or perhaps just locking her up somewhere.'  
9: Tell him Katrina's baby is really Eragon's, not his.  
10: Talk about how Eragon is so good at everything and Roran isn't.  
11: When he tries to kill you, stare behind him like this: x0x  
12: When he demands to know what your starring at, scream 'THE RA ZAC ARE BEHIND YOU!' And when he turns around, hit him with a frying pan.  
13: Refer to him as 'the unimportant one.'  
14: Try to get him to get over Katrina.  
15: Bring him strip clubs to him do so.  
16: Have him go out with Arya and forget to tell him that Eragon loves her.  
17: Tell him Sloan has hired someone to assassinate him and you know exactly who it is. Refuse to specify.  
18: Have him date Nasuada. forget to tell him that Murtagh loves her.  
19: Tell him you know where Katrina is. Send him to look at all the wrong places.  
20: Get him sucked into the love triangle between Arya, Eragon, and Durza.

THREE WEEKS AFTER THIS HIT sat at a bar, somewhere in Alagesia, drinking rum. He was sitting there, banging his head against the wall, with a blue cat who was supposed to be Saphira, and starring at a picture of Arya and her new boyfriend.  
Then Murtagh came in. The first thing Eragon noticed was that his hair was bleached blonde.  
"Gimme anything, as long as it has way too much alcohol in it." He told the bar guy, sitting down next to Eragon.  
"What's your problem?" Eragon asked dully, still hitting his head.  
"Well, just today people keep calling me 'Galbatorix's hot little slave guy, someone stole Thorn and replaced it with a stupid cat, and someone dyed my freakin' hair blonde!" Murtagh said. "What about you? Why are you banging your head on the wall?"  
"Ever since that stupid 'ways to annoy Eragon' fic got out, I've had 'save a dragon, ride a rider' stuck in my head!" Eragon said miserably.  
"Ouch."  
"Tell me about it."  
Just then Arya and Durza came in. His hair was hot pink.  
"I'm just saying, Durza, you shouldn't be spending so much time with Galbatorix! We should be together sometimes, too. It's not fair that you have to be with Galby all night." Arya said.  
"Look, honey, Galby is my boss. I can't just say no, I have to do what he wants." Durza said, putting on chap stick. Just then, the sparkly sleeve of his shirt ripped on a nail. Arya gasped and grabbed his arm.  
"What the hell is this?!" She demanded, pointing to a tattoo that said 'Durza and Galby 4-ever' that was on his arm.  
"Uhhh, nothing, nothing." Durza said hastily. Arya started screaming at him.  
"Wow, they're having a bad day, too." Said Eragon, watching Arya bitch slap Durza.  
Murtagh was about to say something when Galby came in holding an Easter egg and wearing a clown wig.  
" I have determined that this is not a dragon egg." He declared.  
"Uh, what's up with the wig?" Murtagh asked him.  
"Oh, that fic just made me think about being bald and I just decided to wear a wig. I found this one just sitting there on the subway, can you believe it?!" Galby asked happily.  
"I think it looks great." Durza said.  
"Kiss up." Said Orik, who had just come in and was not looking happy.  
"Rough day?" Asked Galby.  
"Of course it was! That fan fic has ruined my life!" Orik roared. "I still have 'short people' stuck in my head, and I just now got the pink hair dye out of my hair!"  
"Hey, little buddy, you have to be this tall to come in here." The bar guy pointed to a sign.  
"AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!" Orik screamed, smashed his glass of beer against the wall, and stomped out.  
Saphira came in and sat next to Eragon.  
"She want's a whiskey sour (what ever THAT is)." Eragon told the guy.  
"I hate humans!" Saphira growled.  
"What happened?" Eragon asked nervously.  
"200 hundred people demanded I turn their rocks into diamonds! I've been taking care of idiots and their rocks all flippin' day!" Saphira said angrily.  
"Wow." Eragon said.  
Saphira took a deep breath. "Eragon, we need to talk."  
"What's up?"  
"Well...you see...I...I'm leaving you for Thorn."  
"WHAT?!?!"  
"Yeah, Sorry about that." And Saphira flew away and was replaced by Angela.  
"I can't believe it! Toads do exist!" She said.  
BANG!  
The doors to the bar flew open and a very drunk Roran came in. He pointed at Eragon.  
"You (hic) you stole ma girlfriend, you girl friend stealer!" He slurred, coming up to Eragon.  
"What the hell are you talking about?" Eragon demanded  
"I read this!" Roran slammed something down on the table. It was 'ways to annoy Roran,' the printed version.  
Eragon read it and looked up. "This doesn't prove anything!"  
"A course it does! Don't it Mmm..Murry?" Roran asked Murtagh.  
The glass of (insert your own alcoholic drink in there, I can't think of anymore) broke in Murtagh's hand. "That's-Not-My-Name." He growled.  
"Sure it is! Your da guy wit the pink dragon, aren't you?" Roran asked.  
"THORN ISN'T PINK!" Murtagh screamed.  
"A course he is! Any-anyways, Eragon," Roran pulled out a glove and slapped Eragon with it. "I challenge y-you to a duel!"  
"I am not going to fight you, Roran." Eragon said. Then Roran burst into tears.  
"KATRINA WAS THE ONLY ONE I'LL EVER LOVE!" He sobbed. "WHY GOD? WHY!?!" Then he looked at Arya.  
"Hhh-hey. You wanna go out some time?" He asked.

THE END!

END NOTES: OK, hope you guys like that chapter! I think it's funny. Please review:D


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